Getting a bit more ready for just “my self”, to be “on my own” ๐Ÿ˜Š

Hi โฃIts so nice to see you,- like always ๐Ÿ˜ŠI hope all is fine with you ๐Ÿ’›

I need to edmite that I m getting more and more ready to “live alone”, to just live my life- no children to take care of, no children to have the daily responsibility for or be avable for,- just be me- Laila ๐Ÿ˜Š. Just take care of me and myself, just have the responsibility for me in the daily life ๐Ÿ˜. With that means,- Im getting more and more ready for Mathilde to move out.

I didn’t think I was going to come to “that day” where I was actually ready for my children to move out ๐Ÿ˜Š. But I am ๐Ÿ˜Š.

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She is probably getting more and more ready to- to #move out from me as well ๐Ÿ˜….

I didnt felt it like that with my sons. I was not ready at all when they moved out, and it was so hard when they did. I did actually #cry for days โ˜”๐Ÿ’ง.

Maybe because they was the first once that moved out? Or maybe because I was younger and was not come to this “place in my life” yet ? I dont know,- but I was not ready at all at that time,’ thats for sure ๐Ÿ˜Š.

But,- its a time for everything,- and I think the time is just around the corner now,- to start our own life soon, be a bit more a part from each other ,- and not live “side by side” under the same #roof ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Yoins ColorMix

Its nothing bad or wrong that has happen at all. She is a very nice #daughter and #teenager,- but we live two different lifes under the same roof. Something thats natural since we are in two very different “places in life”. And I m actually a bit tired of living “side by side” with a teenagers life ๐Ÿ˜…. And maybe,- but just maybe,- she is a bit tired of living “side by side” with a tired mammi too ๐Ÿ˜….

Im looking forward to “be able to” invite my friends here in #Spain over when its “suits” me, and maybe too could invite this American man over as well one day, and to write in the afternoons with out getting to much “disruptions” , to paint , to do what ever I want to do, when ever I want to do it, with out taking any consideration to someone or anyone else for a while ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Its actually a bit ” disruptions” in life, the #afternoons and #evenings, and #weekends too, to live with a active and social teenager. Disruptions Im starting to feel and get a bit finish with ๐Ÿ˜Š.

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Sounds #rude or selfish ? I dont mean to be rude in any way, or selfish,- I just feel in a strange way that my “part” as an “responsible and avable” mammi is a bit over. Now its soon time for Mathilde to take some more “adults” #responsibility in her life ,- and for me to take a bit more care of “just me” ๐Ÿ˜Š.

At the moment I m still taking condensations to Mathilde and her life,- and its difficult for me to not do it as long as we live together. Probably because I m a #mammi ๐Ÿ˜Š.

She dont see it or understand it. She think its just for me “to do my things”,- at the same time she has this “silent” and “invisible” “#expectations” that “mammi is here and there, mammi is home, mammi is fixing and mixing, mammi is “always” avable” ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I will always be my childrens #mammi, and always be avable for them,- but with some bigger space around me and them ๐Ÿ˜Š. I will always love them, my unconventional love will never disappear or ends, โค they will always come first in my life,- but it could be nice with a tiny bit “distance” too ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I think this “feeling” I have to “live my life” is a part of getting older at the same time as my children getting older too ๐Ÿ˜Š. Its a part of the life ๐Ÿ’›. And like I did mention,- its a time in life for everything ๐Ÿ’› ๐Ÿ˜Š. Soon its “my time” ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I have more or less always been there for my #children in different areas of their life. All from following up at school to drive them to football, ballett, carate or what ever they did. Pick them up at friends, fixing things and stuff ect ect. More or less always in one or an other way I has been, and still are, available for them ๐Ÿ˜Š.

They know Im here, they know they can call me any time and I m coming. If there are any “#challenges” in their life they need my help for, they know I will do my best for them โฃ But now its a soon time for a bit more “#space” ๐Ÿ˜Š.

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At the moment ist actually two young girls in the home to take #condensations too,- but that just for maybe a month. And all in all,- it goes very well so fare ๐Ÿ˜Š. The plan is that Mathilde’s friend will be “back on track” before my family is coming over,- if not there are a “back up”-plan for her for the time and days my family are here ๐Ÿ˜Š.

In my imagination I also think some things in my #life will be easier when its just “me”, and not so many “disruptions” at home from others. When its Just my own “disruptions” around me ๐Ÿ˜…. And belive it or not,- I actually think my work/ job will be a bit easier too ๐Ÿ˜….

And I think it could be nice to come #home to an empty home,- and just take care of my self after a long day at work – do “my stuff ” ๐Ÿ˜. We see,- its an imagination ๐Ÿ˜Š. And I dont know yet how anything will be when “I m on my own” ๐Ÿ˜Š. Its not sure it will be like my imagination at all ๐Ÿ˜…. An imagination is an imagination untill it has been trying out in the real life ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I have a lots of great #imaginations in my head, #mind and #soul ๐Ÿ˜,- and I think that if I can “#imagen” something strong enough it can be a bit #real too ๐Ÿ’›.

Its just to wait and see whats happen,- and in the meantime try to do the best of it ๐Ÿ˜Šโฃ…..and start looking for a #nice, tiny #studio for Mathilde to #rent and #live in, be just Mathilde ๐Ÿ˜Šand for me,- to just be me ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I wish you a great day or evening where ever in the world you are ๐Ÿ’›Thank you so much for reading my blogg and dropping by to day too ๐Ÿ’›.

See you soon ๐Ÿ˜Š

Im getting ready for “my life”, “my time”, and to be living in my own,- and to be honest,- Im actually looking forward to it too,- to just be “me” ๐Ÿ’›

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