Hi❣Its so nice to see you,- like always 😊I hope all is fine with you 💛
Its not alwasy easy this balancing act bewteen be #rational and #irrational. And unfortunately I can be irrational when Im empty for energy, tired and exhausted.
I want to be rational, but its like “everythings” stops up. And I dont even have any reactions,- its like Im a flat wheel. Theres no reaction. Its just empty. And thats not a good reaction at all, actually. Because there are no reaction. In any way. No good, no sad,-nothing. And thats not the way I m normally are, or the person I want to be.
Unfortunately I m a bit there at the moment, irrational. I do the things I need to do on “autopilot”,- like go to work. But thats in away its,- and thats not good. I know its rational to go to work, show up and do my job. And I do,- but thats probably one of the most reational things I do at the moment.
I know I have probably pressed myself a bit to hard and a bit to long,- and didnt stop up to long enough that Friday some weeks ago I needed to go home from work. Because I was exhausted.
Its not a good trait at all,- because the irrational reactions react other people that dont deserves that one at all. People deserves a good reaction, of any kind. Not a reaction like a flat wheel.
My challenge is that if I say “No” to something, or someone,- I feel #selfish. If I say “I can’t, I don’t have the energy”,- I feel on guilt and self-centeredness. And I say “Yes” insted. Something that are actually worse for both,- me and the person Im trying to “please” or help in one or another way.
I have probably learn my lesson this last weeks,- at least I hope so,- to actually say “No”,- when I know I m to tired to do something I can’t really do.
I did think I had learn that lesson a year ago when a friend of me did get a mental breakdown. Probably a mental illness that has trigged her for a while, and for some reasons came to the surface. I did try to help her for a while,- but then I just needed to “pull my self” out of the situation. It was an exhausted situation. But I didnt feel on any guilt and self-centeredness,- for the first time in my life. And I did thought I have learned to say No!”. But its seems that I was not quite there yet.
I have said to many “yes” I didnt have any energy to complete lately. And thats not good. Not for me and not for anyone else around me
At the moment I think the best thing for me is just to go to work, do my best, and then do other things slowly and try to really relax. Nothing more,- just fell up the “energy, the wheel and battery”,- slowly. Like when the flat wheel gets the air back again so its able to “drive the car” around again.
Its like I forget to stop up and take #care of #myself. But at the same time I know,- if I dont take care of myself Im actually not able to take care of anyone else either.
And at the moment I m not able to take care of my daughter’s friend for example. Its not good,- but unfortunately that’s the way it is. I wanted to help her,- but I havent any energy left anymore to do that. But she have, luckily, good friends around her, that can help her much more and better then me at the moment.
I dont know why Im like Im like that,- worrid for saying “No” when I know thats what I actually need to do. For myself and for the people around me.
But I know one thing,- and this is something I really need to work with,- to say “No”,- when Im not able to do the “Yes” anyway.
I know I m on my way,- I just need to better to use the time, be patient and learn to say “No” without feeling on any guilt and self-centeredness. The last one there will probably be the hardest,- because I actually want to “help out”.,- and this “selfishness”- feeling have a bad hapit to “crawl” into my mind.
Well,- this was a tiny Monday “heart-sigh” from me,- a rational me,- that did “take a bit over my head the lasts weeks” ,- and became a bit irrational.
Have you ever been rational in your act at the same time as you know it can come an irrational reaction?
Do you say “yes” when you know you should had say “no”?
I hope I stop doing that one,- when all comes to all,- that’s the best for everyone,- to say “no” ,- when I know I cant “complete” the “yes”.
I wish you a great day or evening where ever in the world you are 💛and you thank you for dropping by today too, and read my blog 💛
See you soon 💛
Its better to say “No,- I cant drive with a flat wheel”,- then say “Yes” and try to drive,- and also destroy the car at the same time. (yes,- its a bit symbolic…..)