Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
We are getting closer and closer to the end of this year, and a start on a bright new year 🌟.
I’m, unfortunately, offline again 🤔, and “on” my neighbour’s internet again. Well,- one thing is for sure,- it’s good to have good neighbours 😊. Even I just can do a tiny bit work on my phone.
I don’t know why I’m “offline” again, but I really hope the company I’m using- will be able to fix this problem before the weekend, and before we turn over to 2020. I have a bit work that needs to be done before this year ends. And I cant do it “all” on my phone. I can “run around” to my children and “borrow” internet there, but it’s a bit stress to “move” parts of my “homeoffice” around. It’s a reason why I want to do some work from my home,- because it’s a bit more comfortable- for me 😊. But if I need to do it that way, I need to do it that way. To get some income it’s a bit important for “get the wheels goes around” in a home,- in my home too 😊.
Apropos “wheels”,- have you ever felt like “the fifth wheel on a wagon”? I have,- and the first time I for real did understand that when you are single you will be “the fifth wheel on the wagon”,- “the lonely wheel” that many dont want to invited to a party…. it was my first new years evening and celebration after the divorce in 2002, to the year should turn to 2003. So it’s actually some years ago now 😊.
That was actually my first new years evening alone,- I was 29 years old, and I need to admit that I did cry a bit that evening. It was not a very pleasant new years evening at all 😔.
My children was together with their dad. And I really did felt alone, and I for real did understood that as single you don’t “suits” in “everywhere” anymore,- specially not in different settings, events and party where the invited guests was more and less just couples.
I’m not sure why it is like that,- but I got a couple of “explanations” from a friend. A friend that had a new years party this evening, but I was not invited because I was single and didn’t “fit” in in the group or around the table anymore,- and…..maybe I also was going to flirt with one of the men in the party, one of the men that was in a relationship, – just because I was single ( and probably desperate? I don’t know- that was my words, not my friend, – but I felt they was “laying” there….in between the sentences ) 🙄. And I would also “destroy” the tradition, their new year celebration traditions with be at the party as single.
My friend did call my the next day, the day after this new years evenings celebration, the 1. January 2003 and told me, explained to me that the friend, has been thinking about me and how my new years evening was. But at the same time I needed to understand that the friend couldn’t invited me to their new years party- because of those reasons I have already mention 🙄. I was single, I didn’t “fit” in in the group anymore, or around the table,- it would be odd- number, and maybe I was even able to “flirt” with some of the men that was in a relationship. And, it was a tradition….to be couples this evening…..
To be honest – that did hurt a bit too,- to know, to been told why I was not invited, and also should understand my friend for the different reasons I was given from my friend. I still don’t think my friend totally do understand how this felt- to be told,- that ” you don’t fit in anymore”, ” you would have destroyed our tradition to be around our table this evening” and so on. I should understand my friend, but I don’t think my friend did understood me and my situation, and how this words did effects me.
This is actually a bit okay example on how singles can “experienced as” “threatening” at a group, couples and relationships, – but actually for no reasons. The single are just single and not a “threat”. And I’m not the only single one that have exactly the same experiences as this.
Anyway,- I have been in a couple of settings after this as single and actually really got the feeling that I don’t fit in as single. Im “the fifth wheel”. It’s actually better to not go, and to just stay home and be alone. Because I did felt more alone at the “event” then when I actually was when I was home alone.
Every second new year celebrations after this one in 2002, when my children was celebrated the new years evening together with me, and before they was so grown up and teenagers, and started celebrate the new years evening together with their friends, I did travel with my children for new years evening, – and we did celebrate it in different places. And have created some good memories together as well 😊.
I didn’t wanted them to have and feel like I did, at my first new years evening alone. This really uncomfortable feeling of not fit in anymore. And this really uncomfortable feeling of being alone.
I don’t know anymore how many new years evening and celebrations I have been alone. But one thing is for sure,- I prefer to be alone then be “the fifth wheel on the wagon” and really feel I don’t fit in 😊.
Of course it would be nice to celebrate this evening, new years evening, together with someone special, – but at the moment there’s no one like that in my life 😊.
I’m probably going to be home alone this new years evening too. But I’m so use to it now that it’s not a problem, it doesn’t hurt, or is a “challenge” anymore 😊. It’s fine,- I don’t feel alone, I’m just alone 😊.
What I’m very happy for that my children never got this “loneliness” feeling on new years evening and celebration when they was younger and did celebrate together with me,- like that one I had and felt in 2002 😊. And we did get some really nice short trips together as well 😊.
So,- as single you are in different settings both uninvited and “the fifth wheel on the wagon”. It’s a bit strange,- but that’s the way it is. I have accepted that and the situation 😊. And I’m in away fine with it now 😊. But yes,- it was a tiny bit “chock and suprice” too, as a 29 year old young woman to discover this “social separation” between single and couple in different contexts. I didn’t have any imagination about that.
Have you ever been or felt like “the fifth wheel on the wagon”? I actually hope you haven’t- it’s not the best feeling in the world 😊.
I hope you will have some great people around you when 2019 turns to 2020 🥰.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡
See you soon 😊.
As single you are in many situations the “third wheel or fifth wheel on the wagon”,- and that’s not the best feeling in the world 😊. Then it’s a bit better to just “celebrate” alone on a wagon with no wheels at all 😊.