A bit mixed feelings today … about this day … ๐ŸŽ ๐ŸŽ€

Hi โฃ It’s so nice to see you,- like always ๐Ÿ˜Š I hope all is fine with you ๐Ÿงก I’m fine,- but I have a bit mixed feelings today, about this day ๐Ÿ˜Š. That’s life- and I m not going to whine too much about, just a little bit ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Early in the morning around 07.00, the 27. January many years ago I was born. So today is actually my birthday ๐ŸŽ. I’m not going to celebrate it,- and it’s a couple of years since I actually did celebrate my birthday too.

I did have a kind of celebration when I became 40. “The bump” gave me and “the bump” a hotel- weekend in one of the bigger city in Norway. And my two sisters did visit me in our home. The only time they actually did visit me when I was living together with “the bump”. And,- that was not their mistake, – it was just not easy to visit me when I did live together with “the bump”๐Ÿ˜”. But when I became 40 it was okay to have a tiny bit visit / guests ๐ŸŽ. The years I did live together with “the bump” I had totally 3 guests all in all. At my 40 years birthday it was my two sisters, and one time a friend of me did visit me. That’s it ๐Ÿ™„. And my birthdays after that I have been living in Spain,- and there hasn’t been any celebration ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Well,- in away I had a tiny celebration last year at my birthday ๐Ÿ˜Š. Fabian, my son in the middle, and Millie, his ex- girlfriend visit me and did bring cakes with them ๐Ÿฅฐ. And in the afternoon I was visiting Natasja, and she did make dinner to me. It was a nice day, a nice celebration of my birthday ๐ŸŽ.

So why do I have this mixed feelings today? Well,- it’s a couple of different thoughts that “jumps” into my head,- about the life, the age, expectations, dreams, wishes, goals, experiences in life, what have I manage- what can I manage- what will I manage? “Where does the road goes further” ? I’m in “my age”, but still not “come” any longer in life …. single, renting a home, always empty bank account, working as best as I can … So it is my age and my lifesituation together that’s bother me most today.

I have in one way been able to “put” a lots of different things in my life so fare,- so many different experiences, education, work, children, marriage, divorce, travels, relationship, friendship,- and Spain ๐ŸŒž.

It’s more and less the last 6 years that’s feels like has been “stomped” ,- there has somehow been no development – or has it?๐Ÿค”

I have many nice, great and good experiences during this years ๐Ÿงก. At the same time as it all can be “cut down to”- surviving, to working, to pay the bills ๐Ÿ’ฐ. It has not been to much various in my life here in Spain,- and in some way that’s good, I don’t like to much challenge variation either ๐Ÿ˜…. But in an other way, – I should wish I had have the possibility to travel a bit more in the area, as well as visiting both Norway and other countries too, go to a concert or at the cinema, out for a dinner and a bit more then that too๐Ÿ˜Š. Actually “do a bit more things” ๐Ÿ˜Š. But in general it cost a tiny bit ๐Ÿ˜Š.

At the same time, – I have learn different things about myself as well as the life. I have met a lots of great people. Got some incredible good friends too during this years ๐Ÿงก.

If I start thinking to much, special about my age, and my life/ lifesituation I don’t feel very okay ๐Ÿ˜”. I feel a bit old and “out of fashion “, “out of order”, kind of “gone out of date”, or something like that,- to be honest ๐Ÿ˜ณ. And then my focus get over to this in general a bit “scary” “getting older,- process”, wrinkles, grey hair, where did the life went, the scary menopause, what have I manage in my life, my singl- status, “am I going to be single for the rest of my life?”, my bank- account- status, “will that one always end in zero when the bills are payed and the food are bought in, will there never be any extra left?, my livingsituation, and so on ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

And what can I do myself with the different things I don’t like in my life, my life situation, and the getting older process? ๐Ÿค”. I feel I have tried so much, and are still trying my best to “turn the situations” around, the situations I’m not to happy with in my life. But it changes soooooo slowly that I closely can’t even see or feel it ๐Ÿ˜ณ. But maybe this is the way my life should be? ๐Ÿค” I know I need to work and focus on my thoughts too ๐Ÿ˜…. But that one is not easy when there’s a couple of mixed feelings “rumbling” around in my “system” ๐Ÿ˜….

I think most about “what have I manage in my life so fare” and “what’s in front of me”? The “same” at has been for the last 6 years? Is that what I can “expect” in the future too? Work to survive? And that’s it? Get more different kinds of experiences in life for what? How to use them? What to use them for? Or will I be able to actually “do a bit more things” to? Travelling? And a couple of other things? ๐Ÿค”

But,- I’m on my way to change somethings in my life,- like my working situation and my income ๐Ÿ˜Š. I have got some regular online shift for some kind of support, a kind of health support. I have got 4 hours shift 6 days a week during all February ๐Ÿ˜. That means regular work at the office as well as regular work at home ๐Ÿ˜. I’m very grateful for that ๐Ÿงก. I know February will be hard, really hard, – and March as well. In April the online company can be more flexible with my hours,- but now I need to “show off” and show the company that I can work, accept the hours I get, even it’s late evening shifts, and do a good job too during the next two months before I can ask for “better” shifts ๐Ÿ˜Š. As well as I also need to “show off” at my great office job too๐Ÿ˜Š. Because I really want to keep that job as well. Any way,- it’s makes thing so much easier to have regular working hours online as well as at the office,- a kind of regular working schedule,- even I have 10 and 12 hours working days to look forward too in February ๐Ÿ˜….

But I think and believe it’s worth it, all this hard, long working days I have in front of me,- and I will also see some results after the hard working too ๐Ÿคฉ. At least I hope so. And that’s feels actually good ๐Ÿ’š. It’s going to be busy with so many hours and also keep my blog “up and running “,- but it doesn’t matter as long as I’m one step closer to one of my goals ๐Ÿฅฐ.

When it comes to this nice wrinkles and the grey hair that’s slowly “shows up”, and “all” the other physical changes to be older, I’m going to put the focus on “all that” little by little, post by post when I’m starting writing more about “getting older” ๐Ÿ˜Š. Not today,- today it’s more then enough for me to just think about my lifesituation I’m in, in my age ๐Ÿ˜ฌ ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

Some says that getting older is “the best age”,- I’m still not so sure about that one. But I can try to do it my best age? ๐Ÿ˜Š

From 0- 10, and from 11 to 20 – it’s my childhood and teenagers,- and in general I will say these 10 years are pretty much full of good memories. As a child as well as a teenager ๐Ÿ˜Š. From 21 to 30 I did manage to get 3 children, be married and also divorced ๐Ÿ˜…. And even started on my last education, as a teacher ๐Ÿ˜Š. My 30’s was not to bad either,- very busy, but not to bad at all. It was work and studies, children and football, karate and ballet. And even some “secret” and funny “relations” that was more and less just “my” relations ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‰. It was travels, family and friends,- it was some celebration and parties too, and even a bit it cinema and concerts,- it was incredible busy,- at the same time a good time ๐Ÿ˜Š. Until I met “the bump” in the end of my 30′ s ๐Ÿ™„ …. that’s actually 9 years ago ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

Then it was the 40’s,- and I’m still “there” actually in the 40′ s,- and have more then a couple of year left to “stay” in the 40’s ๐Ÿ˜Š. But this “10” years has so fare been hard. Like I have already mention,- it has been a lot of “work to survive”,- and that’s it. Of course “spiced up” with many nice holiday guests, and friends, and a kind of relationship with my neighbour for some years. And some very mistaken dates ๐Ÿ˜… and different changes in work- situations ๐Ÿ˜Š. And new great friendships too ๐Ÿ˜Š. But there has been a lots focus on work, earn enough money to pay the normal expenses as rent food, electricity and water. I hope that can change a bit,- and that my more then 10 hours working days / working shift now will “pay off” and with that I mean literary pay off too ๐Ÿ˜Š.

And, yes,- a very nice and sweet boyfriend hasn’t been to bad either ๐Ÿฅฐ. Maybe there’s one around “the corner” in close future? ๐Ÿฅฐ

I know this year will be fine,- I just need to work very much,- not just physically working, but also with my brain, my mind, my head, my thoughts. Because I have a tiny little ( much more then little to be honest) believe in “thoughts becomes things” ๐Ÿงก. So it is “mindset therapy” and focus on “Law of attractions” for me too ๐Ÿงก. Then it is very important to have a positive focus and a positive imagination as well,- that’s for sure ๐Ÿ’› – even that’s not always easy to do ๐Ÿ˜Š.

So, yes it is my birthday today,- and it will be “celebrate” more and less like most of my normal days, and my last birthdays during the last years has been celebrated, – not at all ๐ŸŽ. Or I can say it will be celebrated with work ๐Ÿ˜Š.

You have probably manage to find out how old I’m to day? I know I haven’t mention my age in my post, just different numbers ๐Ÿ˜Š. Well,- I have done that on purpose, – not mention my age,- I’m not use to that number yet,- and I still don’t like “the number” either ๐Ÿ˜….

Anyway,- I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are ๐Ÿงก. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too ๐Ÿงก.

See you soon ๐Ÿ˜Š

It’s my birthday today ๐ŸŽ. And I don’t feel very comfortable with my “new” age yet,- it will probably come after a while ,- “the comfortably ” ๐Ÿ˜…. Ps- photo was taken 11. January 2020.

Well,- it’s my birthday today,- and, honestly, I have a bit mixed feelings about that today ๐ŸŽ. About “getting older”. In general it doesn’t bother me,- but this year, this time, this birthday has actually bother me a bit ๐ŸŽ€. It’s not so much my ages that’s bothers me, just a tiny little bit ๐Ÿ˜…. It’s more my age together with my life situation,- but maybe that will take a new turn this year? ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿงก.

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