Phase 2 in Spain,- and the life is starting to be a bit busy ☀️😊🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

In Spain, in the area where I’m living in Spain, we did “entered” phase 2 the 1.june 😊. Something that means even a bit more freedom, like for example go to the beach and enjoy the ocean, the sand, the sun for some hours 🏖. I haven’t had the time to go to the beach yet,- but when I have the possibility I’m going to visit my “secret beach” 🏖. Something I really looking forward to do 🥰.

My “secret beach” isn’t very secret, there are some other people that use it too. But in general there’s no turist there, and it’s also, in it’s own way, reminds me about Norway 😊. I really like to spend time at this beach 😊. But I think I need to have my car back before I can go to the beach, – I do live in “the mountains”, like they call it here in the area, and “my beach” is a bit away from where I live.

To say I live in “the mountains” it’s for me as an Norwegian not “correct”, because I’m use to a bit bigger and different mountains from Norway then what’s in the area here 😊. But okay,- here I live in the mountains in Spain ⛰.

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My oldest son is borrowing my car at the moment, and he lives even more in the mountains then I do. I think he is going to deliver it back around the 20. or 21. June. Then I really need my car because I need to help my daughter and my son in the middle to move 😊. And I want to visit “my secret beach” too 😊.

To be in phase 2 in Spain means that,- like I mention, – we can go to the beach again, but in small groups, and be at the beach for around 4 hours now 🏖. That’s so great 😊. Of course there’s some more restrictions about spending time on the beach, and what’s legal and not. Like different ball- games in groups are not allowed at the moment. And of course this 2 metre distance between people is still “going on” 😊.

What’s also new in fase 2 is that cinema and theater can open, but with a limit on the number of people. And you need to pre-order tickets. Also the shopping centre can open, but also here with a limit on the people. In the common area it can be 30% of maximum capacity, and in stores it can be 40% of maximum capacity. Perfect for me who gets a little tired in such places when there are many people 😊.

It is also allowed to hold indoor concerts with a maximum of 50 people, at a maximum of 1/3 of ordinary capacity.  Concerts outdoors can be held with up to 400 people 🎵🎶.

Restaurants, cafes and bars can now open for indoor dining, with here also 1/3 of the capacity, and with the required distance between the tables 🍱.

Kindergarten for children under the age of 6 is open, but applies initially to the parents where both are in work.  Schools and educational centers for those over the age of 6 will re-open in September, but at this stage several different exceptions and measures will be established 📚.

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We still have to use mouth cover in the stores, but now it is permissible to go shopping with another person.  Before, we only had to go into the grocery store one at a time. Mouth cover is still required when using various public transport methods.  And, – yes,- we still need to use the plastic gloves on our hands when we are in the store 🧤.

I like this new “freedom”,- and it feels so great to just walk down the street without the mouth cover 😷,- and go to the store without using mouth cover too,- except from when there’s a lots people around and it’s difficult to keep the 2 meter distance. I need to use it in the store, and also when Im standing in the line on my way into the store,- and that’s fine 😷. But I don’t need to use it on my wsy to the store or back home. Little by little, step by step and things gets in away to a “new normal” with a nice “touch” of the “old normal” 😊.

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This first days of phase 2 has been nice, busy and nice 😊. I’m working, and I have been “running” down to the city centre for some errands too. Just to do that, run some errands, feels incredibly good, like a “freedom” 😊. I could go to the centre for visiting the farmacia or the ATM when we was in quarantine and curfew, but it felt very uncomfortable. I felt like I did something wrong and illegal, and I was worried about if the police was going to stop me, or if I had forgotten some of my documents in my home, or would get a high fee for something I didn’t understand 😳.

Non of those things happen,- it went well every time 😊. But it was a new and insecure situation for me,- as for the rest. And new, unknown and insecure situations create also “new worries” in different areas.

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I have made myself “daily- and weekly plan” for June. It’s for my jobs, my workout, my different goals, my different hobbies and with some space and place to meet up with my friends and my children. So fare, this week, my plans didn’t quite went the way I had planned or imagined, – but that’s the good things with trying out a plan,- learn by the different mistakes 😊. For me it was this “running” down to the city centre, I had forgotten to put that in my plan 😅. And it goes fast one hour to go down and up, back home again 😊. And I needed to do it every day so fare this week,- then the hour “runs” a bit 😊. But okay,- now I know 😊. I make a better plan for next week 😊.

Phase 2 is a very welcome phase,- and I m enjoy to be in phase 2 😊. Busy days or not, forgotten errands or not,- it is just good to feel and have this “freedom” phase 2 gives 😊. And I really appreciate this freedom that I took as one of course 5 months ago 🥰.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡

See you soon 😊

On my way for some errands in the freedom of phase 2 in South of Spain 😊.

Every new phase feels like a new “freedom”,- even I did have this “freedom” for running errands whenever I wanted or needed 5 months ago 😊. But now I appreciate this freedom that I took as one of course 5 months ago 🧡. The days is starting to get a bit busier,- and I need to re- organize my daily and weekly plans a bit too 😊. but all in all, its just feels so great 😊

#plans #work #job #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #coronavirus #curfew #quarantine #lifeischanging #protection #freedom #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #feelingfree #positivefocus 💚

What is happening around in the world now at days? 🌏

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

For many people now at days the life situation all over the world has changed, and unfortunately not to the best. It seems that there are different conflicts more and less “everywhere”,- and some bigger then others.

The coronavirus and Covid19 has changed our life, our society, our world, the people, the human, – and at the moment it seems to be to not very good changes either. And with some big challenges too.

It’s angry and worries, it’s illness and death, it’s hunger and “wars” and frustrating so many places for so many people. I feel like it’s “pulsing and bubbling” a bit everywhere.

Yes,- the coronavirus and Covid19 has changed our society and world, and the way people behave.

People losing their jobs, their homes, their “safety net” in life. People losing their love once. Some people are losing their minds too.

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Or is it the coronavirus and Covid19 that has changed it “all”? Can it be the people? The different government around in the world? And the different ways they have handle the situation, the virus and illnesses? The people? Can that be the reason why there so much anger and worries? And not because of the coronavirus and Covid19.

The impression I get by different online media and also during the television it seems that it get worse and worse many places in the world, when some few countries seems to have a bit more control over the situation. And it seems that it is not the virus that’s create this very difficult situation, but people. People with to much power, and who are useing this power not in the best way for their society. (I don’t think I need to mention any name….)

Like I mention,- it is the impression I get through different media channels,- because I’m not in the all different places or countries. So my impression can be wrong.

I m here, in Spain, and live my life very quiet and in its own way “normal”. Not quite the same “normal” way as I did for 4 months ago,- there are some changes, differences and challenges in my life too,- but really not like the once I see on the television or read about in the online news. I’m in a good place and in a good situation for me,- something I’m incredibly Grateful for 🧡.

Will we be able to turn this negative “world and society” situation to a better situation then we have at the moment?

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I actually think so,- but it will take time. It takes time to build up something new and better, safty and stable,- and it can just take a second to “blow it all away” again,- if we don’t built it wisely.

I don’t write very much about the coronavirus and Covid19,- I think the “situation” is already “covered” very well from many other online media channels,- and my tiny little blog, my words and thoughts will not make do many different in the world anyway . And I don’t have knowledge enough either to “cover” “all and everything” that’s happening in the world and this “corona- situation”. I have just knowledge about what’s happen around me, in my life and here in Spain, as well as a bit in Norway. So,- I do care about the corona- situation we all are going through,- but I haven’t the possibility to “cover” it more then from my own life and my own experiences.

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But,- of course I have different thoughts about “the situation” we all are going through,- the same situation, at the same time so very different. And I have my own experiences too during the last months from quarantine and curfew, and living in Spain.

I choose to believe that when the different “storms” around in the world are calming down,- thing will be better for most of us. After a storm the sun is shining again ☀️. But it will take time,- and the “normal” we was use to when 2020 started is gone forever. But there’s a lots of possibilities to build up a “new normal”,- after the storm 🧡. We just need to be patient. And that’s not always easy when “our world around us falls apart”. But I chose to believe it is possible to get a new, good normal again, – one day ☀️🌏.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡.

See you soon 😊

The the view from my balcony 💚 🌏

It is a lots of things that happen around in the world and the different society now at days. It feels like it’s storming in every corner in the world 🌊. I choose to believe that everything will be fine,- but it will take time,- and hopefully we use that time wisely too 💙.

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I do like colours, and colours matters to me,- or actually not 🎨🌏

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

I do like colours and colours matters to me, at the same time I feel for turning this around. Because it actually doesn’t matter for me what kind of colour the skin on a human are,- it’s still a human. It’s still the same value. If the skin is black or blue, green or yellow, ,- it doesnt matter for me.

So,- if I say,- colours doesn’t matter for me,- will you be able to understand what I do mean? I really hope so,- because for me a human is a human, it doesn’t matter if the skin color is black as a soft starheaven in the night, or yellow as the sparkling sun, brown as the growing earth, or light pink as the colour of a pig skin.

My skin color is light pink as a pig skin in the wintertime, and light brown as a sweet caramel during the summertime. I’m still me. I’m still a human, the same person,- even my skin have different colours during the seasons. And in my mind there’s nothing like “the correct” or “the wrong” colours, – it’s “just” colours, different colours.

http://www.garrods.net

I did choose to not post a black photo on my Instagram or my Facebook page during the last days. Not because this case in USA ( the murder of George Floyd) didn’t affect me, and not because this “colours does matter” for me,- but because colours doesn’t matter for me. And because for me it didn’t felt correct to do it. To put a black picture on my Instagram or Facebook page,- I felt that didn’t told anyone how engaged I was in the situation or not,- but my maybe text will. In it’s own way.

My text with a photo of colourful flowers together, the same beautiful flowers, just in different colours, forms, sizes and shapes. Because in my mind that what we human are too,- we do “look a like” all of us,- but we are at the same time so different in our different shapes, sizes, forms and colours. We are like a beautiful colourful flowerbed together. So different, still so similar. And now one is more worthy then the other one, and no colour is more beautiful and worthy than an other one.

I find this flowers “everywhere” in Spain and in so many beautiful and different colours too,- it is like human,- so similar, so different, – but still the same value 💚

This case with George Floyd,- as many other cases like, this is awful. There are actually no words good enough, strong enough to explain how awful this murder is,- or any other murders that has happened earlier in “cases” like this case. Cases where human with a darker skin color are murdered just because of their colour. I have no words. Because in my mind the skin color shouldn’t matter at all. It is a human. Not a color.

I don’t understand, and I will probably never be able to understand why some people, white,- no, not white people,- people that are actually light pink as a pig in their skin, feel and think they are, in some very strange way, “better” then a person with a different skincolour then their own light pink pig skin.

And I have no words good enough or strong enough to explain my feelings and thoughts about this the differential treatment of people due to skin color.

We are all different, we are all “coming” in different forms, shapes and sizes, and colours too. At the same time we are similar, we are humans, – no one is more worthy then the other one……because of the colours on the skin.

I don’t see the difference between me and a woman with another skin color then me,- we are both women, just different. And we are all different, in some or another way,- we are all different. So why does the colours of the skin matter so much? It is just a another colour. It’s just like I have a different nose then you. My eyes are different, my hands, my head, my body. My opinion, my thoughts,- is also different, – but that’s the way it is, – we are different in so many fantastic ways 🧡. And we are at the same time so similar. Why is it so incredibly difficult to just accept and embrace this difference?

Why do some feel that the skin color matters and make a different? In my mind it doesn’t, in my mind it shouldn’t be any difference how we should treat each other because of different colours on the skin?

But,- yes,- and unfortunately,- it seems that it actually matters. That one skin color is in a very strange way, is more “worthy” and of more “value” then an other colour. And that’s make me so sad.

I remember when I was a child, and it was close to Christmas. We had got different advertising magazines in the mail, and especially toy magazines. Me and my younger sister could choose some Christmas gifts we could wish us for Christmas in the toy magazines,- and I did choose a black baby doll with black, curly hair. It was, for me, the sweetest doll I have ever seen,- and I felt a bit in love with that doll. And I really, really wanted that doll for Christmas,- and the joy and happiness was incredible when I got her as a Christmas gift from my mam and dad. I was so happy and so proud of my sweetest baby doll of them all 😊.

And that was also the reason why I wished and wanted this doll so much because she was so sweet and so different. I called and named her Evy,- I don’t know if that is a typical Norwegian name,- but for me it was a very typical Norwegian name at that time. And my doll was in my mind Norwegian.

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I remember I was rolling my doll in my blue doll wagon, and I was the only one who had a black baby doll, but in my eyes my doll was not black, in my eyes I was the one with the sweetest doll. Not the colour, but the sweetest.

Colours matters, differences matters, life matters, human matters. At the same time,- colours shouldn’t matter. We are all in the same value and worth.

I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to write. The only thing I know is that I haven’t any words good or strong enough to explain what I think and feel when it comes to this “that colours matters”,- because in my mind colours should not matter. We should treat each other the way we want to be treated,- no matter what colour the skin has.

https://m.soundcloud.com/hmmpodden

Yes,- colours matters, at the same time,- no colours shouldn’t matter. And I really hope you understand what I want to tell you with my text today. That you understand my point? It shouldn’t matter what kind of colour a human skin has. Instead all this beautiful difference between us human should matter 💙💚🧡.

My thoughts goes to George Floyd’s family,- and my thoughts goes to all and everyone that have lost their love ones because their skin had “wrong” colour. You have all the “correct” colour on your skin,- no matter what colour your skin is 🧡. The colour is perfectly correct.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡 ….and I hope you understand that colours doesn’t matter for me,- I like colours, I like different colours and it doesn’t matter what colour your skin is for me 🧡

See you soon 😊.

The same beautiful flower in just different colours. So similar, and still in different forms, shapes and sizes, and colours 🎨. Still so beautiful, and still with the same value 🧡

I like colours. All colours are different, and we all are different,- but at the same time we are all of the same value,- no matter what colour our skin has 🧡. So no,- colours doesn’t matter to me,- I just like colours. And a colour is a colour and not a definition for a human. It’s a color. A human is a human, and a colour is a colour 😊.

#value #worthy #colors #humanity #society #humanlife #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #feelings #challenges #colorsmatters #colorful #embracethedifferences #differences #lifeisofvalue 🧡

A fling or be a mistress? 💄💅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

In the beginning of this year I did started to fling a bit with a man,- nothing serious, just some flirting, fun and meeting up a couple of times. I actually did like that. In it’s own way it was relaxing and fun, and we did laugh a lot together as well as had some very nice conversations.

The flinging got an natural stop when Spain went into quarantine and curfew. We couldn’t meet up, but we did chat up now and then. Also the chatting got less and less after a while,- and I’m in away fine with it all. We are still friends, and still do chat up now and then, but not very often anymore. And of course we haven’t met/ seeing each other for around 4 months. Also natural,- we have been living in quarantine and curfew for 2 months, and first now Spain is slowly open up a bit. Something that means we can meet friends and family in our home or at a cafe, bar or restaurant.

I haven’t use my “freedom” to meet friends yet,- but I’m going there,- slowly and in my own natural tempo 😊. I’m probably going to met “the fling” again too, but I don’t think it will be anymore “flinging” between us. I think it has been to much time away from the “flinging”, and I don’t think I feel for it anymore, even Idid likecit at that point. And, – for me it was a very nice experience,- and I’m not strange for the thoughts to have a “fling” again, instead of a relationship. It felt easier, and more relaxed 😊.

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And then it was also this internet technician I did meet in my home in the start of this year. I don’t think I have felt an attraction like that in my life to an other man so fast. And I also know he felt it in the same way for me.

Nothing happened between us that day, and nothing special happened between us a month later when I met him again. He is a married man. If he hasn’t been married I don’t know what could happened the last time I met him, probably a lot 😉.

He want to meet me again, he actually want me to be his mistress. And to be honest I have actually considered it too, because I did really like him. He was and is not a bad man, actually a man I easily could fall for,- and in a way I did too 😊.

Lucky for me, him and his wife too, the quarantine and curfew happen 😊. So it became a very easy stop for anymore and possibly meeting. And it also gave me a lots of time to think about this “mistress- situation”. We have been texting to each other a bit during this quarantine and curfew time. He has “sold him self” very well in, and given me a lots of good “arguments” too why we should meet again. After the quarantine and curfew was over.

I can see and understand his arguments, at the same time it doesn’t feel correct for me, and it would also be a situation I haven’t been very comfortable in.

One of his argument is that he is in away already unfaithful, because he thinking about me, and he is texting me. So, why not just “continue”? And that’s correct, in its own way he is unfaithful, and I have “helped” himmtoo,- because I have been responding his textes.

Another argument is that his wife will never know. But I’m not so sure about that. For the first I think maybe he would act differently home, and the second, women, in general, has this, the ability to sense different things. The third, things like this, like unfaithfulness, has a habit to revealed in some way.

I couldn’t be a mistress to an married man, even when the attraction between us was like it was. Yes,- I did consider it, because of the attraction I felt for him, and because he is a man I can easy fall for ,- but,- I have more reason to not do it. Be a mistress to an married man, to him.

I have been in the situation where a man was unfaithful to me,- and of course that did a lot to me and my self-esteem, and not in a very good way. And his wife doesn’t deserve to get an experience like that. She haven’t done me anything harm at all, she doesn’t even know I exist. I couldn’t do that to an other woman, even when I don’t know her.

I didn’t either like the “idea” of being “available” every second week, from Monday to Friday, from around 14.30 to 18.00, because that was the time he could meet me. And, of course, only in my home.

And I also know I had felt very uncomfortable with thinking about “what would my neighbours say”,- even that’s something I actually shouldn’t care about at all, and it’s not even sure they had thought very much over why he was visiting me in that time every second week. I have had so many students that have been here, that my neighbours had probably thought it was a student. But I would know it wasn’t a student.

https://m.soundcloud.com/hmmpodden

And,- I don’t like the “sharing- situation” and the thoughts of being “the second woman”. I know there’s a lots of women that are “the second woman”, and I can really understand that is a difficult situation both to be in, and to leave from,- because there are feelings, it’s not “just the sex”. But I couldn’t put my self in that situation,- I’m not a good “sharer” when it comes to men 😅. I want to have him for myself if I first have him 😊.

The whole situation, the mistress- situation became to uncomfortable and to stressful for me just even in my imagination, mind and when I thought about it,- so how would it be for me in the real life then? 🤔 And it didn’t felt correct for me to do it either.

I still like him, I still do think about him now and then, but I’m not responding his textes at the same way anymore as I did. And, yes,- he knows how I feel and he knows I’m not going to met him again.

For some a fling is and feels “correct”, for others to be a mistress is the “correct” thing and situation. For me,- I did like “the flinging”, it wasn’t anything stress about it, it was in it’s own way a fun and comfortable situation to be in. But if it was “correct” for me? Maybe, maybe not,- it didn’t last very long so I have actually no idea 😊. But I do know that “the mistress- situation” really did stress me up,- and that was even just in my mind.

One thing is for sure,- and that is that there are different kinds of relationships,- and some are correct for some, and others are correct for others 😊. For some marriage is correct, for others to live apart, for some it’s feel correct to be a mistress, for others not, for some to not have a relationship at all is correct, and others again have more then just one partner. We are different, we choose different, we feel comfortable in different relationships,- and in general that’s both fine and a personal “business ” 😊.

So at the moment it is just “me” and my different thoughts about the different relationships- situations there’s a possibility to have. At the moment I have a good relationship to myself,- and maybe that’s good enough for a while 😊. At least until for now 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡

See you soon 😊

There’s different kinds of relationships around in the world 🌎. What can be a “correct” relationship for one doesn’t mean is correct for someone else 🥀. What’s correct for me is not sure is correct for you,- and in general that’s fine,- I think. We feel comfortable in different situations and different relationships 😊.

#relationship #fling #flirting #love #romance #sweetfeelings #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #differences #differentsituations #fun #feelings #choices #positivefocus 💚

I’m not sure if I want to put myself in that situation one more time … 🥀🌼🥂

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

Like I mention to you,- I have open my Tinder app again after 6 months “on hold”, or “non show profile”. But I have doubts about this. Not because it’s Tinder,- I think there’s “funny stuff” in all the dating apps that exist,- but because I’m actually not sure if I want to put myself in a relationship position again, or if I’m even ready to put myself in that situation, a relationship situation 🤔.

I have been thinking a bit about my own experiences with and from, special when it comes to long term relationships,- and I don’t think I want to have it like that one more time. Because in general it’s actually not the best experiences I have in my life, or memories, or feelings….this relationship- thing. It has actually been incredibly exhausting, and it cost far too much to be in a relationship….at least for me.

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But I know many relationship aren’t like that, like my experiences,- and I also have and had my own imagination and illusion about how I thought, and in way still think, a good relationship for me could and should be. It has just not been like that 🙄.

In my mind it’s about the unconditional love, but for some strange reason this love is just there in the beginning of a relationship, and little by little it disappears, and changes to a very conditional love. A change like “don’t do that, do this”,”don’t wear that clothes, wear this”,” don’t be like that, be like this”, “don’t have that opinion, have this” and so on.

In my mind a relationship it’s also about that the partners should be there for each other, support each, take a bit care of each other, respect the differences between each other,- and not try to change the person you actually fall in love with. And it is also about to actually feel that you are loved by your partner. And I have to admit that I’m not quite sure how it feels, or is experienced – to be loved by one’s partner. And it is actually not even sure I have loved my partner either. Maybe it was some other feelings involved instead? 🤔

In my mind it’s also about bringing out the best from each, for and to each other. And in my mind “each other” is “the community” a relationship is between to people that’s falls in love and are in love, and are in a relation to each other 💞. It’s about give and get, get and give.

But my experiences and my reality about relationships was a bit different then I did have in my mind, imagination and illusion 😏.

https://m.soundcloud.com/hmmpodden

So,- probably, or maybe, my imagination and illusion about how a relationship should be is not “correct”? The reality is different? Maybe I have been living in a kind of a “fantasy- world” when it comes to my “expectations” about how a relationship should be ?

Or maybe it is me? Maybe I’m a difficult person and partner to be together with, and live together with? And I don’t bring out the best from a partner, instead more and less the opposite?

2019

My personal and private experiences when it comes to a relationship is different then my imagination and illusion,- like I just mention. My experiences are that men wants to be taken care of, but not take care off. Men did fall in love with something they for some reason want to change. And my experience is that a man’s needs comes first,- if it’s food, clothes, what to watch at the Television, priority for workout, job, goals, dreams, – yes, more and less everything is more important for him to do, and my “job” has been to adapt to this and him. My “things” isn’t a priority.

And to be honest, unfortunately, that exactly what I have done to. Be the “correct” partner,- and in general not actually priority my “things” either. And maybe one of my mistakes when it comes to a relationship is here? That I do my best to “satisfy” and “forget” my own “needs”, dreams and goals. And I know why I do it,- because if not it has been so much conflicts, arguing and fighting, and I don’t like that very much.

For some strange reason also the economy has been changed when I have been living together with a partner. In my mind it’s should be a bit more money left when there was two incomes, two salaries, and the different expenses was paid, but it has actually been less money left. And I’m not sure how that happen 🤔.

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What actually really made me think about if I want to put myself in this relationship situation again was an very innocent comment from a fling I had two meetings with before Spain was quarantined and with a curfew.  I know it was humorous meant, but it set my mind in relation to what I want in and of a love relationship.

He was going to have a holiday and did ask me if he could spend his holiday in my home,- and if I could be his hostess and waitress, and serve him freshly squeezed fruit juice every day, bring grapes and food, and so on. I know it was a joke,- but I did started to think about what I don’t want in a relationship one more time.

I felt I got my earlier long term relationships threw in my head – and thought “No, I won’t. Not one more time”. And then I realized that I’m actually not sure I’m ready for a long term relationship. My earlier experiences are obviously still to much in my mind and feelings.

My memories are most felt up with tiredness, and actually that,- this feeling that I was a hostess and waitress in the long term relationship I had been in during the last 26 years. I in away did loose myself in the relationship.

It’s actually just “just” two long term relationship during this period that has given me this feeling,- but it’s because of this ( short version) “hostess, waitress and actually not been loved for who Im” that has made me not wanted go into a long term relationship again. I’m actually afraid for losing myself, and I’m worried to have the same not to good experiences again.

But like I mention,- it is not certain it is the men I had a long-standing relationship with their fault that the relationship felt that way for me. Maybe, and probably, I was too remiss and not too good at telling them about things I did not like so much in the relationship? In away didn’t “stood up” for myself in the relationship. Instead I let myself stay in the role of “the hostess and waitress” because it created minor conflicts. It was easier to stay in that role and and avoid too many loud-voiced conflicts that made me feel even smaller then I already did felt.

So,- I m not sure if I’m actually ready for a long term relationship, and I’m not sure if I want to put myself in the same situation again as I has been in when it comes to a relationship. And,- I actually don’t even need to put myself into that situation either,- if I don’t want to 😊. It’s my choice 😊.

I’m actually fine with my situation as it is at the moment. At the same time I can admit that I do miss my imagination and illusion I have in my mind about how I did believe and thought a relationship and a “community” with a partner should be.

I see what’s happen in the future, and for how many days I’m going to use the Tinder app. To be honest,- I don’t think I’m going to use it for so many more days 😊. I think I probably should feel a bit more ready then I do at the moment,- and not feel to much about what I actually do miss, or my imagination and illusion, about a relationship 😊.

That was just some of my personal thoughts and private experiences around and about relationship,- and I know a lost of people and couples have much better and more positive experiences then me in this area. Something that makes me still believe in love between two partners, – as is for me is a relation between a woman and a man 😊. Then it’s just for me to see if or when I’m going to take the chance to put myself in that relationship situation again. Who knows, – maybe I even did learn a bit about myself and my relation to a relationship with just writing this text 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡

I have my own imagination and illusion about how I think and thought a relationship for me should be,- but the reality and my experience has been a bit different from that 😊. But I can choose if I want to put myself in that situation again or not,- and to have that choice doesn’t feel so bad 🥀,- even I still have a tiny little wish for a relationship one day there in the future 🧡.

#imagenation #illusion #changes #challenges #relations #relationship #love #unconditionallove #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #feelings #choices #positivefocus 💚

Thank you May, and Welcome June 💛☀️

Hi❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

May month is already over, and this month went fast too,- like I feel all this month has done this strange and different year of 2020.

So fare 2020 didn’t became the way I did imagine, and I think most of us didn’t have any imagination about this strang situation we should be in when 2020 started. I don’t think we are going to be back again where we was in January this year, we will get a new “normal”, but how the “new normal” will be,- I don’t know.

I feel grateful for every month so fare during this year, even every month was and became a bit different then I had in my mind. Every month has teach me something, maybe not “big things” in life, but still something about my self and the life 💚. And every month has brought me some kind of joy and happiness 🥰.

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May was in it’s own way a quiet month in my life, but very busy at my job. And I’m grateful for every day I have my job 🧡,- even the busiest days where I get very, very tired.

In May I got a tiny little holiday guest,- my daughter was here for a week, and it was so nice to have her around me again 🥰.

My daughter and her boyfriend also did make dinner for me one day,- taco. It was a very cozy afternoon with both of them 😊. It felt good and strange to be served food and not serve the food to my children 🌮. A new and nice experience 😊.

My oldest son and his friend dropped by too,- and it was great to see them both again 😊. And my oldest son is also fine now,- healthy and happy,- and for a mammi- heart that’s incredibly fantastic to know 💙.

I haven’t met my son in the middle during May, and I really do miss him. But we are chatting a bit at messenger during the weeks, and that’s good too 💙.

In May we also got a tiny bit more “freedom” here in Spain and was allowed to go out for a walk 🚶‍♀️. And Spain went into phase 1, something that ment even a bit more freedom 💚.

I still have my fancy “quarantine hair”,- but I don’t mind at the moment 😊. I’m starting to like “the new” colours that’s “shows up” in the “bottom” of my hair. Maybe because it’s actually not grey, but a mix between dark blond and light brown? 😅 I’m probably going to visit the hairdresser one day during June 😊.

I know I can live in a cabin away from people, but I also know I need to meet my children and my friends 💛.

I did “jumped on” Tinder” again one of the last day in May,- after 6 months off. But to be honest,- I’m actually not sure how committed I’m, and how smart it was to do it. I do not feel ready for any relationship at the same time I miss “a special one” in my life. So I see how long I’m going to use that app. I actually don’t feel to comfortable with it, but I can give it a try for a tiny little while and see what’s happen 😊.

I have created a plan for June with 4 very busy days during the week, and three not so busy days. Hopefully I will manage to follow my plan too. 3 not so busy days will be filled up with a bit job, and hopefully time for friends and family, as well as a bit of my hobbies like knit, paint and writing 📝. The 4 busy days will be filled up with workout, job, job and hopefully some Spanish studying too 😊.

I want to do workout 5 days a week, but then it’s a couple of other things I will not manage to do,- so 4 days with workout and exercises I think that will be fine too 😊.

So Thank you, May for being so gentle, even during some very busy working days 🧡. I’m grateful for the different experiences you have given me during this month,- and for the time I have got together with two of my three children 💛.

https://m.soundcloud.com/hmmpodden

I wish you welcome June 🧡. I don’t know what you will bring with you of joy and happiness, changes and challenges, – but I know there will be a bit of it all 😊. Hopefully it all will be in a good way too 🧡. I know we are going into a new phase now, phase 2, during most of Spain,- and that feels good as well 😊.

June is the last month I’m living on my own for a while,- so I’m going to enjoy that time as best as I can 🥰. I know I need to re- organize my home a bit in the end of June,- so there will be some changes in that area 😊. My son in the middle and a friend of him are moving in in the beginning of July, as well as my daughter and her boyfriend too. But February, March and April did teach me a bit about how it is to live together with someone who are not my children,- so it will be fine, even I know it will come some small challenges too,- but not before in July. No rush to think about them yet 😊.

Welcome sweet June with your summer and sun, joy and happiness 🧡. I’m looking forward to meet you 🧡.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡.

A rose from my patio, growing so beautifully the first day in June 🌹Hopefully it is a good sign for the new month 🧡

May is over,and June has just started ☀️. May was a gentle month with some very busy working- days, and nice and quiet days 💛. Thank you, May for your gentleness 🌹. Welcome sweet June, I’m looking forward to meet you, and your joy and happiness 🧡.

#mammi #thankful #Norwegian #mychildren #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #lifeisgood #thelife #lifeischanging #newmonth #summertime #positivefocus 💚

Phase 1 in Spain ☀️😷

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you during this time we all are going through,- together 🧡

It’s different “rules” and restrictions in different countries, and more and less every country in the world is handling the corona- situation differently. Some close down all the border, some have more and less a kind of totally quarantine and curfew with just a very few exceptions, other countries have a just different restrictions to follow, but not with to many consequences if someone “break” the restrictions, and so on.

In Spain we got an more and less total quarantine and curfew for the whole country from the 14. March 2020, with just a very few execeptions to leave our homes. And two months later, 14. May things got a bit better, little by little, step by step. The reopening of Spain will happen in 4 stages, and we are now started on phase 1. Something that mean the “re-opening” of our society as well as the country has slowly started, step by step.

To be in phase 1 in Spain means that means that small shops can open, (small customs stores like perfumery ect.) but with strict security measures.  Restaurants and bars can open outside dining, for serve food and drinks outside, but only use 30% of the original capacity (and there is no serving inside).

Hotels and accommodations can open, but they cannot open the public areas they have and dispose of to their guests.  They must also have a benefit plan for the elderly over 65 years.

Churches and other religious gatherings can open, but only 1/3 of the public capacity can be used.

https://m.soundcloud.com/hmmpodden

Being in Phase 1 here in Spain also means that undue restrictions on professional athletes have been reduced.  And that there is the possibility of contact between people who do not belong to vulnerable or at risk groups.  At the same time, restrictions are being set and established for the elderly and people in risk groups.

It is also mandatory to use mouthcovers in public places for anyone over 5 years of age and where it is not possible to keep 2 meters distance.  Failure to comply with this injunction will result in fines, andfines are provided by the police and authorities.  Well, – a 5 year old doesn’t get a fine, but the adults and those in charge.  All public transport such as taxis, buses, trains, (and planes) are also mandated by mouthcovers, but not many planes are currently flying at the moment.

The public figures in Spain are about 28,000 deaths due to coronavirus and Covid19.  I write the public figures!  What I have learned is that there is not a single government that is 100% honest about anything!  It is simply nothing new that a government, regardless of country, does not tell the whole truth, hides parts of the truth, adorns the truth a little and delivers some nice lies, and forties as well.  And it applies to all governments in all the countries in the world,- it is only done in different ways and at different levels. It’s not any different here in Spain, or Norway what that matters. So,- yes the public figures are about 28.000 deaths due to coronavirus and Covid19 here in Spain. That’s why we have been living with quarantine and curfew, and why the country and society slowly open up again during 4 phases.

For me phase 1 means that I can go to the food store without being afraid for the police, and actually shop more and less what I want, and not just the necessary food for the living, but also go to the stor for just shopping some snacks now 😊. And I’m using my mouth cover too 😷.

It also means that I can invite my children and my friends to my home, or meet them on a bar or restaurant if I want. I don’t think I’m going to have any guests from Norway as my family or friends for a while, probably not this year at all. Maybe I’m lucky and get a visit from one or two friends that’s lives in Norway during the Autumn, but I’m not sure. If we haven’t had this corona- situation I had probably already had holiday guests over from Norway now ☀️.

My oldest son and his friend has visited me, and my daughter and her boyfriend too. Except from that I have been living very quiet, also in phase 1. I go to the food store and do my shopping once a week, not very much more then that at the moment 😷.

I can meet my friends now,- but to be honest this week I need to save the money I have left to food, before I get my salary next week. I can’t use any money on a cup of coffee or a glass of coca cola or a glass of wine on a bar or restaurant now. But next week I can,- and then I see what I do. At the moment I’m actually fine with just knowing I have the possibility,- and I use my “freedom” to nice walks in my area instead 😊.

http://www.garrods.net

About this “money- issue” I’m not the only one that needs to wait a bit before visiting a restaurant or a bar for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. That’s just the way it is. There are after-effects and “ripples” of quarantine and curfew, cuts in wages, and many who have lost their jobs. And to buy a cup of coffee or a glass of wine you actually need to have some money to buy it for.

I’m fine with phase 1 here in South of Spain,- even I haven’t use this “new” possibility of “freedom” very much yet, I like to just know they are there, that the possibilities are there now,- and that’s a kind of “freedom” too 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡.

See you soon 😊

We are in phase 1 in South of Spain now, something that means a bit more “freedom” 😷. But we are required to use mouth cover in different situations, especially in different public areas.  I am good at using my mouth cover, even though I haven’t used much of my new “freedom” yet 😊☀️.

#freedom #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #coronavirus #curfew #quarantine #lifeischanging #protection #differences #restrictions #mouthcover #phaseone #possibility #positivefocus 💚